Amazing Grace

It was a year ago today. I found our baby boy laying lifeless in his crib and my life would never be the same. That night becomes more and more real over time and reaches such a deeply personal level that it has become harder and harder for me to talk about as time passes. Adam and I will never forget that night and, I believe, it will always kick us in the gut when we allow it to cross our minds.

However, like my father's passing, this was a day that God claimed victory. It always sits uneasy with people when I say that losing my father was a blessing. Oh not that I do not yearn for memories that were never able to be created, or arms that were not able to hold me, but I KNOW that God's plan is perfect and taking my earthly father to His kingdom brought me closer to my heavenly Father. For this I am grateful.

The same rings true of that night one year ago today. As we drove behind the ambulance only one house had a light on and in the window was a huge wooden Christian fish. I heard God loud and clear that night. I put the life of my son in His hands. It wasn't a time like in the past where I had said "OK I am BEGGING please let xyz happen." Nope, not this time. This time I internally and physically cried out "Abba, Father, your will is perfect. Whatever your plan is for my family help us to understand and rejoice in it!" It was right then that I knew I truly believed in Christ. God saved my son's life that night and at the same time he breathed it in to me.

Amazing Grace, it was a great day.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17